You are my definition of perfect

The first time we met was the most beautiful day of my life. Your smile, which was literally the cutest thing ever, lit up my world. The sparkles in your eyes were equivalent to one million stars in the sky. I realized that I started laughing a little more and I smiled. Our lovely midnight talks and chats made me more than happy. I could look up at the dark night sky and wish for the hundredth time that I would bring so much happiness to your world. It was then that I realized the true meaning of love; I kept thinking about you, each and every time before I slept and every morning when I woke up. Indeed, you are my definition of the perfect person. You are the kind of person I would never wish to lose. I will love you now, tomorrow, and forever.

💕💖Lotsa love

The Letter I Never Got To Send​

Dear ***,

I’ve always wanted to write you something. I did, once, and then couldnt bring myself to send it. Feeling silly, I ripped it up, imagining it somehow made it to the mail, made its way to you.
Maybe because I was still struggling with my inner self on what I was feeling and how to feel it and how to express it and also feeling vulnerable, not that I’m less vulnerable now.
When I started to realise I was falling in love with you I struggled with my feelings for quite some time. Whether it was right or wrong, whether I could feel so deeply for someone, whether we were strong enough, together, to get through this part and maybe I should just surpress it til “the right time” (which was foolish of me). There is never going to be a better time than now.
When others love, they say many loving words to the wrong person and about it to everyone, I didn’t want to be like them. So it was almost a tug-of-war between telling you how I feel and keeping it to myself. While at the same time trying to figure out what we were doing and how we were going to somehow get to each other.
Also it was about doing the right thing. I know now it’s ok to love so deeply, so freely and so honestly. God gives us so many gifts and I know that you are one of them.
I feel terrible some days, when I think about the distance between us, being countries apart and that I’ve burdened you with this process I’m going through. And as it comes to an end, it has felt harder rather than easier.
I don’t know when it started, but I pray for you, little things, mostly things you’d tell me about. Then it kind of snowballed. Now I cannot lift my hands in prayer without thinking of you.
And now I understand what people mean when they fall more in love with someone. It’s not perfection, it’s a feeling.
God promises us that He doesn’t stir one heart without stirring another. And I know this to be true because the way I felt was always reflected in the way you would. I never feel alone in my love for you.
It has been the most exhilarating adventure ive embarked on in my life. Getting to know the incredible human being that you are is the best choice I’ve made.
You gave me comfort, sometimes without even knowing. For that I was grateful. Being able to share my love for our religion, our interests, our values and our principles has allowed me to become better as a person.
I thought I understood effort and hardwork, but I knew nothing when it came to us. This entire experience thus far has opened my eyes to a million new lessons.
I know that life is good and bad, happy and sad, rich and poor; and all of it is our test.
I’ve learnt alot about myself, about you and about us. I’ve learnt that no matter how bad something seems, the good, the love, the understanding will always out weigh it.
At a part where couples usually get to enjoy each other’s company, we have had distance. At first I was envious of everyone else but then I grew to understand it and now I am so grateful. God allowed us to fill that distance with thousands of conversations that gave us what we needed.
I know I can be apprehensive at times and the distance allowed me to become more comfortable with you. It let us talk about everything important, without infatuation or desire tainting it.
I never knew there was a physical pain to missing someone you’ve never met.
I dream of the day we are together. I dream of raising kids with you. I dream of seeing life through your eyes. And all these dreams would never exist if I hadn’t met you.
After all these years, I now know I can still love someone without being with them.
With loving gratitude,
Anonymous

Love Letter

Rose; Soul mate of mine,

I am writing to you today to remind you of how much I love you, I’m writing to you today because life has been extremely chaotic between the two of us lately, and I don’t want that, I want peace to come back to our relationship, never in my life had I thought that I would ever love someone so deep the way I love you, I appreciate and cherish you in every way I always dreamed about, when you walked into my life, you brought happiness with you, even when problems get in the way, I still love you more than words can describe. You are constantly on my mind, you are with me in every single thing I do, and everywhere I go, you are the companion I never had, Ninique I want us to be the way we were “soul mates,” I missed you terribly, you are my one and only; you healed my past, you are my present, and my future; I have no other plans, I just want peace between the two of us, I don’t want us to waste time anymore, I am here for you, I want to be by your side, I want you to lean on me, Ninique you are my intended spiritual soul mate sent from our Creator in Heaven, the Maker of all nations, I am lucky and blessed to have you, I am forever thankful, I want you to know that our relationship means everything to me, and that I simply could not survive without you by my side, please allow me to continue to love and care for you like I used to, allow me to love you every single day of life, I am here for you Ninique, there is no one else I would rather talk with that only the two of us could ever think or plan, just the two of us Ninique, no one can ever come between the two of us anymore, I repeat no one, Ninique if I were to suddenly leave this world sooner than later, I would be overjoyed that I experienced such a rare and honest form of love, I had to meet you Ninique, to have been loved and cherished by someone wholeheartedly is a once- in-a-lifetime companion, friend and soul mate, I love you so Ninique, our relationship is my most treasured possession, and I will take this love with me everywhere I go, please allow me to be by your side, and be and continue to do what I have been doing from day one; love you, protect you, guide you, participate in everything with you until I officially take over all your worries, that’s all I am asking you Ninique, I love you so much..

Carl Nicolas

Smell

I can smell you when you’re not around
and then these other smells creep in
and take me away from you.

Whenever that smell enters my nose
it takes me back to Dawson
and the hug you gave me.

We stood in your room
surrounded by cords
and clothes and shoes.

Do you wear perfume?
I meant cologne.
It’s cologne, for men.

“You should.
It’s good for your significant other
to have a smell to associate with you.”

But we already have distinctive smells.
You already have a distinctive smell.
Do I have the staying power to corrupt your senses?

“What do I smell like?”
You smell like home,
like the future.

Stacey Renberg

 

Letter Writing Program

Years ago when You Are Remarkable was at its peak, (we’re trying to change that), we had a letter writing program where readers could write in to each other or receive letters from each other in hopes of spreading love and positivity. Since the last year or so has been a huge negative black cloud, we are hoping we can get this program started again.

If you’re interested, here’s what you can do:

  • Please send us an email to youareremarkablerevolution@gmail.com (yes, we know it’s a looooong email!)
  • Please place in the subject line: LETTER WRITING PROGRAM
  • Let us know if you would like to send, receive, or do both
    • senders will only send letters, NOT receive them
    • receivers will only receive letters, NOT send them
    • both will send AND receive
  • Include your name and address (We will not use these for anything other than this program and we will not match people up who live in the same city for safety purposes)
  • Include any other important information you think we should know

Letters can include writing, art, photos, etc. We just want the letters to be on the more positive side of things and PLEASE keep them decent and respectful of all different types of people. NO RACISM, SEXISM, HOMOPHOBIA, HARASSMENT OR NEGATIVE COMMENTS. If you do not feel that all human beings should be treated equally, than this is NOT the program for you. If you feel that the letters you are receiving are inappropriate, please let us know immediatey!

I hope we can get this program rolling again as it was successful last time and now more than ever, we need a world full of love and positivity.

We hope to hear from many of you and remember, YOU ARE REMARKABLE!

-YAR Team

 

 

Love Poem

Ninique !!!!

I will always love you, I love you passionately, and this passion has taken control off my heart and mind, you are all that I have Ninique, you are my companion, my friend, someone I look up to every day, I live for you Ninique, I have no other plans but you, please understand, I love you with the kids so much, it’s like I conceived them, they are part of me, Ninique I am just waiting for the divorce to be final, so we can get married right away, so I can devote my entire life to you, I want to be all that I can be for you, Ninique it’s only a couple of months, not even two months right?  I want to do is hold your hands on our wedding day and tell the world that I love you desperately, Ninique my love for you was not born yesterday, it grew daily Ninique, I became so attach to you, this is beyond imagination, we shared so much Ninique, you may not understand that I keep falling in love with you over and over, I write to you when you are crossing my thoughts, and hurry to translate those thoughts into words, I believe by now I have a collection of love letters that I write just for you, this is how blessed and divine my love is for you, I love you with my entire being, you lift my spirit Ninique, the greatest thing I’ve ever learn with you is loving someone like I passionately love you while I am so attch to you, Ninique it’s like an interpersonal affection, total devotion and fully committed, I am so attach to you that I feel like I breathe through you, you became my world Ninique, it’s very different for me this time because I can refer this special type of love as an emotion of a strong attraction and personal attachment, like a virtue representing , compassion, love, romance and affection, I am enrich by you, it’s like a single soul inhabiting two bodies, that’s how close I feel to you, I have never loved like this before, was never attached to my previous relationships, it’s a spiritual attachment worthy of love and admiration, it has a particular trait: it has a purpose to fulfill, to love you even beyond eternity, it is enduring, I believe that the world was created for just the two of us, to me my love for you is the substance of life, everything is connected, I’ve been dreaming of you all this time Ninique, and now that I’ve found you, I’m looking directly at the eyes of love, I love you so much.

Written by Carl Nicolas for Rosenique Senatus

Love Letter

Good morning my lovely lady! 
And how’s the beautiful lady and the love of my life doing this morning? 
As always, I’m trusting that your morning has started off okay and it will progress into a very wonderful and productive day. How was your night my sweetness? I hope you slept well.
My night was amazing…..After messaging you,I lay in bed thinking about you,missing you so desperately and yearning to be close to you. I reminisce about you, about and us,our conversations (messaging included) and I couldn’t help wanting you in an intimate way.
I just wanted to be close to you where you are,wrapped up in your warm embrace being snuggled up next to you, enjoying your sweet kisses, Lost in time…
Wish it was you I fell asleep with last night instead of a stuff toy 🙂
I couldn’t stop thinking about you,(not that I was even trying to.
I fantasize about pulling you close to me and kissing your sweet lips and you sucking on my tongue.
I get so turned on whenever I think about us sharing a kiss. 
I get so lost in your kisses. I love your kisses. I’m addicted to your kisses and that’s one  addiction I need no recovery from. I just want to feed it. 
Whenever we kiss You put me in a trance that I’m lost in a magical realm with you. I feel things I can’t even begin to explain. It feels like you’re kissing my soul and not my lips and in that instance I want to stay lost forever with no return to reality. I just want you to hold me then and never let go.
Damn woman, writing you about kissing me is leaving me next to breathless so let me stop and move on to something else. I LOVE YOU SWEETNESS.
Going back to our conversation last night…. Please let me reassure you of this one thing,”I will be there for you and with you always”. Only when the breath leaves my body will I leave you. 
I have told you before, YOU HAVE ME AND MY LOVE FOREVER AND ALWAYS AND I WILL FOREVER BE IN YOUR LIFE FOR AS LONG AS YOU’LL LET ME. EVEN IF YOU NO LONGER NEED ME I’LL STILL WANT TO BE A PART OF YOUR LIFE. THAT WILL NEVER CHANGE. I WANT TO BE IN YOUR LIFE,WITH YOU ALWAYS.
I will NEVER EVER HURT YOU OR LEAVE YOU COME WHAT MAY.
I love you madly, deeply, unconditionally.
You to me are everything.  You are the only person I love in this world even far more than life itself. YOU ARE MY LIFE.I LIVE FOR YOU AND TO LOVE YOU.
I would sacrifice every and anything even my life for you life.
You are the woman who possesses my heart and rule my world. You are my queen to whom I bestow my immutable love.
I respect, adore, admire, cherish, and value you over every one and everything in life.
I put no other not even myself above or before you, not now, not ever.
All others are beneath you and forever will remain there.
You are who my heart beats and yearn for.
The only person I desire to share and spend my life with.
You are always on my mind because you’re etched in my thoughts and your name echoes in the beats of my heart.
I have only your best interest at heart and would never hurt you. I only want to please you and make you happy.
You are the woman of my dreams,all my fantasies and reality.
You are my world, my heart and soul.
I get butterflies whenever I see you and whenever I talk to you I can’t help smiling and blushing.
I want you, I need you, there isn’t any way I’m ever going to leave you. Good and bad times, just you and me.You’re all I’ll ever want,need and desire in this world.
You are the only one in my heart. Loving you fills my heart with happiness.
I smile cause I feel and see you,I cry cause I miss you and I worry when I don’t hear from you but most of all I sigh because I’m not with you.
When I’m with you nothing else matters in the world, you’re my life.
When you kiss me my heart leap and melt when you tell me you love me I melt and becomes putty in your hands.
When I sleep I dream of you,when I’m awake I think of you and when I die,I will die loving you.
You are the first thought of every morning, every thought in between and the last thought I have before falling asleep. 
I will follow wherever you lead. Even if it means losing my soul) and I forever want to be where you are.
Whenever you hurt in life I want to be there to console you,If you are never able to see the light, I will sit with you in the darkness. 
I rather have bad times with you than good times with someone else.
I want to be your safe haven, your comfort zone.
You’re the best thing in my life and I wouldn’t give you up for anyone or anything in life. I will indeed love you till my last breath.
You are my special someone and always will be.
Well my beautiful lady,I could go on and on telling you what you mean to me and how I feel about you but if I do I’ll be sitting right where I am for days counting the ways and trying to put it in to words.
All I was merely trying to say is that the possibility of me hurting you and leaving you for anyone else do not and cannot exist with the way I feel about you.
What you and I have and share goes beyond the physical. We share a very deep, rare and special bond that nothing or any human being can ever come between or change and that’s the reality of you and I. Only death can separate me from you. So I will indeed love you to my last breath. Please don’t ever leave me and stay with me as I will you. NO MATTER WHAT.
I LOVE YOU CHARLENE NOW AND FOREVER MORE.  IN MY LIFE, YOU ARE IRREPLACEABLE.
I look forward to hearing from you. You are in my every thoughts and will remain there throughout the day.
Keep enjoying your day my love and stay safe. 
My heart beats only for you.
LOVE ALWAYS,
Jessie 

Love Letter

Hey Gorgeous!

I Went to bed with my heart mellowed, a smile on my lips and you on my mind and I ended up dreaming about you also so I awake with even a much bigger smile on my face this morning :-):-)

You are truly,”MY LIFE!” And theres absolutely nothing in this world that could ever make me hurt you or stop loving you.

Last night I was so fascinated by our conversation… You just kept me laughing, smiling, giggling, blushing with the things you were saying.

I felt such closeness to you and I was so happy, still is 🙂

Thanks alot for all the wonderful compliments you gave me,you sure battered me with flattery 🙂 You melted me and my heart over and over again till all I could feel for you is adoration and love.

I am seriously lost in love with you and there’s no better place for me to be than physically with you and around you.

I am happy you are beginning to see me for who I am and the depths of my love for you (there’s so much more about me for you to see)

Last night when you said you can’t believe I’ve grown into the mature and smart young lady I am, I had to smile 🙂

In your absence I’ve become that and so much more.
I am who I am today because of you and the love I have for you.
I am a very passionate woman with whom and what I love.
I hold nothing back and have no reservations….

You said you don’t know about the my loving you forever and always part, well my dear as you live you will be a witness to that and I want you to love me always too and never stop even when you can’t be with me physically and I’ll play my cards right to ensure that you do…. 🙂

I want to make it impossible for you not to love me and want me in your life no matter the purpose I serve.

I want to make my mark permanent on you so no matter where life takes you, you’ll find it hard leaving me behind and in the event that you should you won’t be contented for long, you’ll want to come back and you’ll find your way back to me 🙂 🙂 Sorry but you already know that I’m 100% woman, and I will do everything to ensure my place in your life and yours in mine:-) 🙂

Even if you should end up with someone else in life I will make you miss me and you find it hard to be happy with them. I’m sure you can be happy but you will never truly be 100% happy and contented because you will feel my absence. I will love you as no man on this earth can. I’ll be so sweet to you and on you you’ll crave to be around me and miss me 🙂 🙂

You just don’t understand, these are things I take pleasure in(loving you and showing you that I do)

That’s the way I feel about you. Why do you think I wouldn’t even as much as to look at anyone else…. because I know my life would be empty and meaningless without you, there would be a void that no one else could fill and I’d spend all the days of my existence longing for you and as such I want no one taking up any more space in my life.

There is just no place in my life or heart for anyone else.
You’ve already filled those spaces and it’s always reserved for you and you alone.
You have made your mark on me and my heart 17 years ago and to you I belong forever and always.

I will love you to my last breath as it is the desire of my heart to do so 🙂
When I think of the way in which I love you, and that you do want me to continue loving you, never giving up on you,it sends shock waves through my torso area 🙂
It is truly pleasurable loving you. I get so much fulfillment out of loving you it would seriously be hard for you to understand 🙂 🙂

I am turned on by mere thoughts of loving you so why would I want to stop loving you  🙂
It’s because of things like these why I can tell you that I know I will love you forever and always.

My love for you have a way of indulging in it’s own pleasures of you and as such it takes me from one level to the next. It knows no bounds with no limitations. So there you have It 🙂

You are everything to me and always will be.
Remember always that I’M LOVING YOU COMPLETELY FOREVER AND ALWAYS.

“YOU’RE MY LIFE”
LOVE ALWAYS.

-Jessie

Hollows

Depression does not equal sadness. For some people, maybe it does. For me, it very much does not. I think the stereotype that depressed people are laying in bed all day, weeping, is inaccurate. When i’m depressed there isn’t one tear to cry.

For me, depression equals hopelessness or, as my friend and I refer to it, the hollows.

Depression creeps up like autumn does in September. You feel the warm days giving way to chilly nights & start to fear the winter. You feel it in your soul.

Depression sneaks in slowly and then all at once. It’s a wave that crashes over you & steals the warmth from your bones.

Depression steals the sun from the sky.
Depression steals who you have known yourself to be.
Depression leaves you a shell of a person you can’t even remember being.

Love Letter

It started with a mistake in planning, human error, twist of fate. It was my first time in this new country, and the pick-up taxi never came.
I contacted work, letting them know no one showed up, but it was ok. I can take a taxi by myself.
“No, it’s 2 a.m. someone from the company will pick you up shortly, don’t worry”.
I took my luggage and sat down in the only available coffee shop, fighting sleep. I got a phone call, and then I heard your voice. Something about it made me instantaneously relax. Perhaps I heard home in your accent, or maybe it was the raspy sound of your sleepy voice.
“I’m sorry I woke you up didn’t I?” I asked, and you laughed.
“I’m coming, I’ll be there in five.”

And then I saw you. I looked up at you as you stood there, your big brown eyes smiling from behind your glasses, the ones I love (not the frame-less ones – please never wear them again).
You smiled, and I dismissed the bubbly feelings in my stomach, blaming it on hunger.
We shook hands, introduced ourselves, and you took my luggage – ever the gentleman – while asking me about my flight. You were chatty, wondering about my interest in this company, my college degree, my story.
“I’m asking way too much yea? Sorry”.
I smiled and said “ask again tomorrow, no worries”.
I looked back into the trunk of your car, and I saw tents, camping equipment, things I adore. And just as we started talking about our love for nature, our thirst to explore, I saw it. The ring on your right hand, and I swallowed.
The question died in my throat; it was ok, I can ask you tomorrow. You safely dropped me at the hotel, wishing me a goodnight, saying you would see me the next day.

Ten days.
Ten days of music, conversation, shared looks and contemplations. It was all harmless right?
You told me about your past, how some girl had broken your heart, how you decided to think rather than feel, how you met your fiancé, and what has brought you here.
You asked about mine, and as I talked you looked deep into my eyes, and I knew you understood. But you were engaged, and I wasn’t that person; you weren’t either.
Then there were slips. Too much alcohol; you held my hand.
Too much time spent together words were said.
“I wish I had met you at a different time” you whispered. I had never wanted anything more.

Six months later, six months of little conversation and bitterness and distance, you got married. I saw your pictures on social media, and I choked. You looked happy. I wanted to believe you were. I loved you, more than I had ever loved anyone.
Fate played its cards again; we met in that same country, your now wife still back home.
This didn’t stop being a love letter when you got married. This stopped being a love letter when you changed. And not in the normal, “I got married” way. I understand you are confused, I understand that “I was the first one who made you feel again”, but I don’t understand how you take me for granted. How you assume I have put my life on hold for something that will never happen.
You will never leave her – it wouldn’t be a rational decision, and you, you rational man (who has shown day in day out you were anything but), would never do that.

Twenty one days. Twenty one days of anger, bitterness, fights and sorrow. We kissed. We cried. We cuddled. We made mistakes. But then you look at me with your chocolate eyes and that smile you save for me, and I almost forget; that you never were mine and never will be. These twenty one days were enough to scar me; enough to help me start getting over you.
We used to be different, we used to be perfect. But this is not another time, and I’m done wasting mine.

This is not a love letter. This is a letter about the love I felt for you, the one I still feel.

Until we meet again,

-G

Love Letter

I saw you that day just looking at me. I know you wanted to say something, but you seemed to shy. I was wrong you walked right over and said hey I noticed you looking at me, and I said only cause you were looking at me. Well, I guess we were both looking at each other. It’s funny how things work out in life. He asked for my number and I gave it to him. I guess he thought I gave him the wrong number, because he called me right there and then. The start of a new friendship or the start of something a bit more above the lines as friends. He fell for me and I guess I started falling too.

Love Letter

You changed my life for the better. In fact, if it wasn’t for you, I probably wouldn’t even be alive. Before we met, this girl I know has been my best friend for ten years. Then suddenly, she betrayed me and accused me of bullying her. For the past few years before the accusation, I was always in the middle of drama. The people in my clique would always fight, and would pressure me to take sides. When my ex best friend left me, I couldn’t take it anymore. I wanted to end my miserable excuse for a life.

But then I met you.

When I first saw you, I remember my heart feeling a sense of relief. Like I’ve been lifting a weight my entire life, and I was finally able to drop it. Like my heart was saying, “Oh, there you are, I’ve been looking for you.” Before we met, I’d always take more than 30 minutes to get out of bed and start the day. That was because I had no motivation. But when I met you, you motivated me. I loved going to bed early, with a smile. And waking up early, ready to start another day with you. I remember our adventure, and the people we met along the way. I’m just so sorry I had to leave. And I didn’t even say goodbye.

I don’t even know if I said “I love you”

I do love you, and I think about you everyday. It’s just so HARD living in this cruel world without you. Haters are everywhere. Murders and terrible rumours. On some days, when I miss you sooo much, I search through my contact list for people I can talk to about this. And everytime, I reach the bottom of the list. I sometimes cry myself to sleep, and when I actually do sleep, it past 1:00am. It’s hard to sleep without knowing for sure wether or not you’re okay. I’m not blaming you for anything, I blame myself for leaving, without giving any closure, or even a “I swear to you, we’ll meet again. I know because I love you”

Every song on the radio reminds me of you. Everything I do I think about doing it with you. I save you the right earbud when listening to music because when I listen to music, I feel like you’re on my left side, because my heart is closer to the left. Literally.

I miss you so much. It hurts when I think about living the rest of this lifetime without you. It hurts being… unsure. But when I’m depressed, I get a good cry out, wipe away my tears, and smile. Because I know you wouldn’t want to see me so sad. I tied a string around my promise finger to remind me of the promise I made to you. The promise to never leave you. I’m so, so sorry I broke our promise… but I’ll come back. The string is blue by the way, the colour of you.

You might not read this letter, but somehow, if it ever reaches you, just know that I love you SO MUCH and I will never ever forget you. I’ll find a way back home, and I’ll give you a big tight hug. When I find you, I’ll stay with you. And trust me, I WILL find you. Because, after all, I love you, and true love never fails.

By the way, I’ll try not to get married until I meet you again. Because honestly, you’re the one I want to marry.

Love Letter

The moment I knew I was falling for you was back in March when we started talking. I remember you standing against the lockers waiting for me to leave English. I saw you and I felt like the luckiest girl in the world knowing that you where waiting for me. You made up some excuse for not having your phone which was met by my eye rolls because of course I was skeptic of you, I was insecure of myself and of our status as you where a year older and undeniably cool. I remeber it was raining as we walked out the doors under the covered awnings you apologized for being so distant. I didn’t know what to say and I just walked off without a goodbye into the pouring rain, running to my bus parked all the way across the parking lot. But then I heard your voice shouting my name from the other side of the parking lot. There you were standing in the middle of the pouring rain in the midst of all those people with your pockets pulled out revealing that they where totally empty. “Promise ya” you shrugged your hair now flat against your forehead, clothes drenched I couldn’t help but give you my best optimistic grin and you returned letting the smile break across your face like the dawn breaking against the inky night. Since you’ve been gone though, it feels like I’m just standing there in the rain, but this time you just won’t turn around. Like you can’t see how patiently I’m waiting for you to realize that I’ve been here, and I always will be here because I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else except waiting for you. Counting down the seconds until I get to see your brown eyes like flairs out against the dark night beckoning me home.

The thing about it is I know we aren’t supposed to work. I know that I’m supposed to let you melt into oblivion and dispute into a foggy memory, but I can’t do that. I physically can’t just let you go like I’ve been told. You’re so alive. You’re so ridiculously alive, and you embrace your mortality like no one I’ve ever met though you build your walls up so high. You’re this modern day muse I’ve stumbled upon, and without you my poetry is bland and devoid of meaning. I know that we shouldn’t be together though, I know that your obsession with drugs and your defiance of any and all rules and lack of concern aren’t good or healthy. That you’re fixation with destruction always leads us to the same conclusion. I’ve gotten you stuck in my teeth and trapped in my head. The thought of you getting high in your room all alone makes my chest feel tight, and thinking about you kissing a different girl goodnight makes me want to jump from the top of my roof just to land in your arms. Everyone tells me to just leave you alone but I can’t, trust me I wish I could. Most days it feels like I’m drowning, but when you come around, oh god when you come around the suns shining and everything is clear and bright and restored. When you come around I want to take you dancing and make you realize that you are everything.

We both know it gets harder, and we grow older, and I never really see you when you’re sober. Everything just leads me back to you though. I have to believe that this is love because why else would I do it? Why else would I jump every time the phone rings because I’m scared it’s one of your friends telling me you aren’t okay? Why would I stay up all night waiting for you to tell me you’re home safe? Why would I repeatedly let myself get heartbroken, stood up, and let down? Crying in the B-hall bathroom in between classes, and in the parking lot before school. I’ve made some bad choices because of you, sometimes I can still see that grey Honda and his black leather seats, feel his hand sliding up my thigh to “get back at you.” I still can hear his voice telling me if I don’t smoke you won’t love me. I still remember the initial phone call that you where cheating on me and did I know that you’d been doing pills again? Did I know that you broke your wrist in a fight and you that you’d smashed your phone when you where high?

It’s not that I’m trying to fix you perhaps, it’s just that I don’t want to see you get hurt which sounds tacky and cliche, but you’ve got to believe me. You’re worth so much more then red eyes, and confusion, and phone calls you don’t remember making. You’re worth more then a few hundred dollars and bad decisions to get a buzz. It’s still surreal to me that you exists, that someone as perfect as you came into being, and is breathing the same air as me, and struggling with the same things that I am. I remember telling you about my parents splitting up and my mom cheating on my dad to have you tell me about your dad running away and your moms depression. How you didn’t understand how he could just leave you two, how you remember his green suitcase and instructions not to ring. I still remember you telling me how you’d make things up to me- but you still never have and I’m staring to think you never will.

I remember one night being out late with my mom, driving back with her from her boyfriends house when no one was out and her telling me that you need to be 100% sure when you take a risk that it has the possibility to be worth it. I know that it’s worth it for you. Skipping class and walking the track, taking your picture in the backset, the prospect of kissing those angel lips, the way your voice sounds on the phone, dancing with you to “medicine,” standing with you out on the balcony, wearing your green jacket. There’s not a single fiber of my being, not a single beat of my heart that conflicts with the thought that you are worth it, all of it. You’re worth crying over to “7,” that day of in school suspension, you’re worth the band aids on my legs from falling off a skate board because I was trying to impress you. You’re worth getting bailed on, you’re worth the worry. I don’t care if I’m the only girl from high school that’s still in love with you as long as I’m the last. I don’t care how many friends I lose, how many plans I get left out of. I don’t care what I’ve got to lose.

Cause someday somewhere in the future in this life time it will be perfect. I’ll have you cuddled up against me as the sun rises out our apartment window and the sky starts turning all different shades of pink and orange, bathing us in light and the prospect of a new day. I’ll have your nicotine lips, I’ll have you in art galleries and in concerts, and in coffee shops, and in quiet moments dancing aorund the kitchen. Trust me I know it’s been 28 days but I’d spend 28 years waiting for you and this future that we’re going to create. Some day somewhere out there we’re happy, we’re together. We made at work, and we’re far away from this town and I’ve stopped doing all those things my friends beg me not to do because all along it was only ever for you.

Samantha Sullivan

Anxiety

Anxiety. Being afraid of being afraid of something you know it does not make sense to be afraid of.

Anxiety. Replaying conversations over in your head for days after because you know you sounded like an idiot & the person you we’re talking to will probably never want to speak to you again.

Anxiety. Being afraid of any small thing, good & bad, your body feels because the bad feelings mean you are dying & the good feelings are your body readying you for your swift death.

Anxiety. Staying up sun rise to moon set because you had a dream that was definitely a premonition & something catastrophic is sure to happen if you close your eyes.

Anxiety. The destroyer of worlds.

Most everyone has suffered from anxiety at one point or another but it isn’t spoken of out if fear of sounding foolish or being brushed away.

Don’t let your anxiety over your anxiety keep you from reaching out. We’re here. to listen. We’re here to help. Breathe in. Breathe out.

Love Letter

Until you came and swept me away,
I taught myself not to fall in love again.

The unexplained feelings that cannot deny.
Feelings getting stronger that even genie cannot hide.

It’s like a knife strike into my chest,
Leaving a sadness that I cannot resist.
What am I supposed to do,
When all I want is to be with you.

-Eden Victoria Paladias

Love Letter

I was just sitting here thinking about how much I love you. I love you so much that if I tried to really write how much I love you, I would be constantly writing for the rest of my life.

You bring out so much in me that I’m just beginning to see. It’s like when we are together, the rest of the world disappears, and nothing else matters but us. I hope I feel this way forever. I want to spend the rest of my life loving you with everything I have to give. Sometimes I feel like I don’t deserve someone as loving as you are. Do you know how long I have waited to have someone like you in my life?

It wasn’t luck that brought us together. You are a blessing to me and I wouldn’t trade the way I feel about you for anything in this world. You are the reason why I smile. You are the first thing on my mind when I wake up every morning, and you are the last thing I think about every night before I close my eyes, but our time together doesn’t end there because you are the only thing I dream about. I really do want to spend the rest of my life with you if you will allow me to. Nothing is too much to give you. I feel that if you’re not happy, then the world needs to stop until you are!

Baby, I just want to thank you for loving me like you do, and I am forever in your debt, just for you being good to me. You know, it is strange how I had to go through so many bad situations before you came into my life. I guess it really is true when they say good things come to those who wait because I’ve waited for someone like you all my life, and you really are the best thing that has ever happened to me.

I just want you to know that I love you so much, and I want to be with you till death do us part! I love you, Baby Girl!

I Will Keep Waiting For You

I sometimes wonder what you’re doing, or whether you are thinking of me, like I’m thinking of you. I have been thinking of you for 20 years, since the day I was born, really.

You have been elusive to me in so many ways but, because none of my objects of infatuation turned out to be you, I feel as if life sometimes may have fooled me, yet I know you are out there. I mean, how could I have seen your face and still overlooked you? Or how could I have heard your voice utter words and not have found anyone that sounded like you? Are you in the stars every time I look up? Of course you are. You are the clouds in the skies, the songs the bird sing every morning. You are everywhere, really. I know you are real. I just constantly wonder why I have not found you yet.

Why haven’t I been able to say all that I want, show you all that I am, and give you all I have now? Why is time making us wait so long? We don’t know, because this is a factor beyond our control. I will always love you, Darling, and when we finally find each other, it will be God’s greatest reward.

So, wherever you are, know that I love you and you will be the one that lurked passionately in my dreams. Know that I am always longing for you and your presence. Know that you will always be everything to me. Even though I have not yet met you yet, I love you, my spirit lover.

Parade

You ask if I’m getting out if bed today, with attitude, as if I am the laziest person alive. Yes, I am getting out of bed today & I want a fucking parade because it will take every ounce of me to step out of that bed & to put my feet on the floor. It will take every ounce of me to fake my existence with perfectly timed smiles & pretending to sneeze when I feel water burning behind my eyeballs. It will take every ounce of me to keep up with conversations while working so hard to detangle the black thoughts that haunt my mind. I deserve a fucking parade.

Without

Tell me, do the androids seriously dream of electrical sheep? If not, then why do I dream so? You do not hear me. Every part of me has conjured up everything that can to tell you I’m sorry. I’m not crafty enough? The exhaustion has made me question my life. So I go forth with the equipment I have. As do you. I am no shining armor. Who has time to clean? I just wished you fought the fire with me, douche bag.

Within the void.
Robbie.

Love Letter

Words mean nothing. They are hollow. Everywhere I am constantly reminded of memories. Everywhere I look- trees, school, children, look that’s my mom – and all the memories of her, dad and all the experiences I’ve had with him. Have you ever ‘thought’ what your life is without memories, without labels, without experiences of the past, without past judgement and prejudice and feelings. Do you know what love is? What is love? What is it? In my experiences of the past I’m trapped, in the labels I cannot see clearly at the thing that I’m actually looking at. All the memories distort and contort it. My life becomes smothered by the memories of the past. And in realising this, this fact, I become a little more free. I am starting to see the real facts. How my perception is always wrong, just how conditioned(?) I am. When you go in to this, a lot of painful memories come back to you, even all the memories that have hurt you since your childhood start to come in. The accumulation of knowledge and memories is so great that I don’t see the things clearly. That fact is very obvious to me now. I see it. It’s like I’m blind. We all live this don’t we? But why? It’s such a pattern in our life- a habit, but it’s so so limited. It keeps us in constraints, I feel trapped in its monotony, its limited meaning which holds no meaning for me, because I’m not free. I’m not free of experiences and knowledge – they stifle me and life. I want freedom from this. I feel trapped, hidden, something inside me is dormant and intensely alive – like life inside me. It’s beautiful. It’s what keeps “me” alive too. I am life. “My” life which is the same life in everything else -intense but still and patient.

I don’t know what or why I wrote, it doesn’t have any significance for anyone who doesn’t understand any way. And I don’t know if anyone really does understand any of this. Again words are hollow and meaningless. Only thing of value is yourself. I go through life day in and day out in a pattern of thinking and feeling- all of which are my experiences and past always and in them I find ‘you’. You’re like an accumulation of all the knowledge I have about you so far. I think that’s horrible. That’s not you, or anyone. I know for fact that words will never really grasp you. (I know you hate talking and reading so much and rather just get on with your life and do what you like, but maybe one day if you ever really look, for yourself, you might find your own answers) I don’t hope for you, I don’t wish anything, the fact is I don’t know you at all, and what I mean by that is this- I see and look at you and see one thing- that thing that everyone sees as you- it’s quite natural- you’re either busy doing some work or something. Then I look closer, and maybe it’s your face or something almost superficial like that that keeps my eyes lingering around your face- I look closer. My thoughts interpret what I see. I label you with words and associate feelings towards ‘you’ and to me that’s you in my mind. I know full well that’s not really you. Because you are made of many other things that you identify as yourself and you have desires for your future, some image of who you are, and what you want, your past and all that. And even then, that’s not you because you are not the labels you put on yourself. It’s a bit like pulling back layers to get to ‘you’. So, I hope you get why I don’t know you. You will keep transforming and changing your labels and peel back layers here and there. But it’s like the main essence (life- is that what you would call it?) remains there. If there’s one thing I can say ‘I love’ or ‘is love’ is that- that life. And that’s you, and that’s me and that’s really everything. It’s intense but quiet and very patient. Maybe I’ll write more, but I don’t know when. I’m tired of thinking and writing right for now.

I know this makes little sense, buts that’s okay, I don’t expect nor want anyone to understand what I’m saying. I know some parts of this are true, maybe it’s just that I can’t express my thoughts clearly. Perhaps you need to go into this yourself and not be lead by what I have to say- maybe then you will make some sense of this.