You changed my life for the better. In fact, if it wasn’t for you, I probably wouldn’t even be alive. Before we met, this girl I know has been my best friend for ten years. Then suddenly, she betrayed me and accused me of bullying her. For the past few years before the accusation, I was always in the middle of drama. The people in my clique would always fight, and would pressure me to take sides. When my ex best friend left me, I couldn’t take it anymore. I wanted to end my miserable excuse for a life.
But then I met you.
When I first saw you, I remember my heart feeling a sense of relief. Like I’ve been lifting a weight my entire life, and I was finally able to drop it. Like my heart was saying, “Oh, there you are, I’ve been looking for you.” Before we met, I’d always take more than 30 minutes to get out of bed and start the day. That was because I had no motivation. But when I met you, you motivated me. I loved going to bed early, with a smile. And waking up early, ready to start another day with you. I remember our adventure, and the people we met along the way. I’m just so sorry I had to leave. And I didn’t even say goodbye.
I don’t even know if I said “I love you”
I do love you, and I think about you everyday. It’s just so HARD living in this cruel world without you. Haters are everywhere. Murders and terrible rumours. On some days, when I miss you sooo much, I search through my contact list for people I can talk to about this. And everytime, I reach the bottom of the list. I sometimes cry myself to sleep, and when I actually do sleep, it past 1:00am. It’s hard to sleep without knowing for sure wether or not you’re okay. I’m not blaming you for anything, I blame myself for leaving, without giving any closure, or even a “I swear to you, we’ll meet again. I know because I love you”
Every song on the radio reminds me of you. Everything I do I think about doing it with you. I save you the right earbud when listening to music because when I listen to music, I feel like you’re on my left side, because my heart is closer to the left. Literally.
I miss you so much. It hurts when I think about living the rest of this lifetime without you. It hurts being… unsure. But when I’m depressed, I get a good cry out, wipe away my tears, and smile. Because I know you wouldn’t want to see me so sad. I tied a string around my promise finger to remind me of the promise I made to you. The promise to never leave you. I’m so, so sorry I broke our promise… but I’ll come back. The string is blue by the way, the colour of you.
You might not read this letter, but somehow, if it ever reaches you, just know that I love you SO MUCH and I will never ever forget you. I’ll find a way back home, and I’ll give you a big tight hug. When I find you, I’ll stay with you. And trust me, I WILL find you. Because, after all, I love you, and true love never fails.
By the way, I’ll try not to get married until I meet you again. Because honestly, you’re the one I want to marry.