i dream about your hands on my body & the things you would do if i only asked. if only i could spend less time in my mind. we sit, nightly, thigh to thigh & silently i scream “i love you” until my throat burns with the trapped words & my face grows flush. i take your actions for granted until something entirely different makes me angry & i decide you’re the reason. then tears form as i realize you are nothing but kind towards me & i deserve far worse than anything you’ve ever done. me, with my irrational fears & unspoken feelings. me, with my missed opportunities furthering the space between us. i deserve to be better, for you. i deserve to be happy, for me. i only hope that, telepathically, we are connected & that you really do hear my love, my apologies, & that you feel my burning desire towards you. let’s make this our year.