bright neon.

I’ve spent days upon days upon weeks upon years pondering:  How do I manage to on even when life seems pointless? And although I don’t have a step-by-step list of things you must do and say, the fact that I have keep going is proof enough.

There are days when the thought of getting out of bed seems more unreasonable than running a marathon. Not only am I crippled with guilt from past mistakes; I am also stuck under a mountain of failures for not doing this and not accomplishing that. But none of the endless and incessant inner monologue matters because the real fact of the matter is: I do go on. I continue to get up each day and live.

If you’re anything like me you’ve contemplated the unthinkable. Maybe you know someone (or know a few people) who have taken the figurative and literal leap into death and thought, “I know exactly how they feel, so why can’t I just pull trigger?!” Or maybe you are just completely hopeless and the only solution to your problems is not to have any problems anymore, the main problem being life. But even if you aren’t melodramatic and have never thought of suicide, life can still be a son-of-a-bitch.

Well here it is, people. Here is the all-mighty solution to going on even in your darkest hours: just continue to go on.

I’ve read countless books and articles and watched countless television programs and movies where people and characters have life going so terribly that it’s almost unfair for them to even exist in a world where life can be so terrible. And you know what? THEY GO ON. Whether they are real or fictional. They still go on.

I used to consider myself a strong advocate of the saying “it’s all relative,” but it’s not. A sad and lonely girl living a cushiony life in the suburbs somewhere in America is nowhere near a homeless person who is starving and freezing in the middle of streets. Life may seem hopeless at any given moment in your tiny, almost nonexistent existence, but the mere fact that you have managed to be still be alive and well in the fucked up world that is our reality is a miracle. I know life can be tough, so tough that you would rather just put the light out and give in to your demons, but there is still no excuse to ever give up.

You might think I’m being heartless, but life could be so much worse on so many different levels and yet you still have the choice to wake up, get up, and continue on living. Life is hard, terribly, utterly, incredibly hard, but if you make the effort to get up, wash your face, and do the things that make you happy instead of sinking deeper and deeper into the bottom pit of depression, life can be so magical that you will wonder why the thought of ending it ever crept inside your brain in the first place.

Going on during the darkest of hours won’t happen over night. Hell, it might not even happen over the course of a month or even a year, but it will happen. You will wake up and you will bathe in the warmth of the sun with a smile on your face. You will be able to tell the ones around you how much you love them without fear. You will be able conquer your fears and desires and you will, finally, be able to breathe.

Fight the mediocrity of every day life. Stand up against the normalities (and abnormalities) of modern culture and become the person you want to be. Life truly is whatever you make it, so make it a good one. I recently wrote a friend of mine:

You’re not an ungrateful sod. You’re just bored. We’re all bored because none of us are actually using our creativity to it’s full potential. We’re just stuck leading normal lives and I fear that’s all we’re ever going to get. I wish I had better advice, but just write about it. Write down everything you can. Someday long from now someone will see it and it’ll help them. I’m sure of that.

Help others to see the beauty in life and the contentment of living will spread like wildfire. Don’t be afraid to reach out and inspire others who have been and probably still are stuck in their darkest hours. Turn a light on for them; make it bright neon.

For whatever reason(s) you are doubting yourself and contemplating the end of it all, I leave you with this. When you are in your deepest and darkest moment and nothing seems to help you change your mind about how bad things are, remember that out there, somewhere else, someone is feeling exactly how you are. You need to stay around and go on so that you can show them how good life can be and that none of us are alone.
-Stacey Renberg.

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