we swim until it ends.

As a personal with a serious anxiety disorder, I’ve had many dark moments. Every few months I have a day where I wake up and realize I just can’t do it. I can’t face the world. I feel completely worthless and destroyed, sometimes for no reason at all. In those moments, though, I look back on the moments where I’ve felt my “highest.” They are as follows:

-Driving to the beach with the windows down, listening to cheesy music
-My best friend marrying the love of his life, and crying tears of happiness being a witness to that. 
-Falling in love. That first kiss. 
-Breaking up with someone who made me feel terrible and the liberation that came along with that.
-Laughing until I actually peed myself a little while singing “Like a Virgin” at Karaoke. 
-Cooking a big meal for the people I love.
-What it feels like falling asleep next to someone I care about. 
-Being serenaded with Good Old Fashioned Lover Boy
-Sex. Good sex.
-The first snow of the year
-A good glass of red wine
-That feeling I get at the end of a good book
-Seeing my friends play wonderful music and singing along with my arms around people I love
-And finally, the words I have permanently etched into my skin, written by my favorite musician, Ted Leo:

All in all
We cannot stop singing
We cannot start sinking
We swim until it ends

One thought on “we swim until it ends.

  1. I also battle anxiety daily. This list is very similar to my own. Now seeing this i can add, “the feeling i get when i remember that i am not alone.” Thanks.

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