our secrets: 2.

1.  all the people i am attracted to are married, parts of me wishes I could get past the moral delima of having an affair with them. But also glad I cant.
2. i am so afriad of being miserable that i try to keep myself busy all the time. even when i am exhausted. i am afraid to think, to feel.
3.  i love him so completely, with every ounce of my being. i think he knows it. i think he feels the same. but we’re both too scared to speak up in case we’re wrong. he’s the best friend i’ve ever had, he’s seen me at my worst, & still he’s there for me. because of his presence in my life, i truly know that magic exists. we are so comfortable together, i feel sure that those who don’t know us must assume we’re together. it feels so obivious. i’m not perfect, he’s not perfect, but together we are right.
4. I don’t want you to hurt anymore. I love love love you. And I’m sorry for hardening you in the first place.
5. i am lying everyday. today i lied to my father. of course there’s something special. i am depressed, but i don’t think my ego want to admit it. the last week i have cried (and screamed) three or four times for almost no reason. the summer is over and i can’t see the light.
6.  I have major crushes on two people, one of which lives in a different country and is 9 years older than me. Honestly, I couldn’t care less about age, and they’re both amazing individuals who deserve love and respect. This felt good.
7. If I had the chance to leave everyone and everything behind, I would take it and run away as far as I could.
8. i’m in love with my former teacher. he doesn’t know, of course he doesn’t know. no one knows.
9.  I have acquired so much debt by being too excited, too unforward thinking, or too nice and helpful to other people that I’m afraid I will never ever dig myself out.
10.  I wish that you were in my dreams more, because it’s the only chance I have to get to know you.

3 thoughts on “our secrets: 2.

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