i’ve been searching for words these past few days but when i open my mouth all that comes out are animal noises. cries of sadness, anger, everything. i don’t know how to be happy & right now i’m not strong enough to pretend. i remember the first time i saw you. walking down main street with your long hair & your white tee shirt. you looked so tough. you made my heart pump pump pump. you never stopped making my heart pump pump pump. nine years. honestly, knowing you had a big part in shaping the person i am today. you had a way about you that i’ve never seen. you had power, passion, coursing through your veins. i could see it in your eyes, read it in your words, hear it in your voice. you were the type of person no one could forget, even if they wanted. you were the type of person who could smile & everything would be okay. you made the world a better place. everything that has flashed in my mind these long few days doesn’t translate into words. it’s just imagines, memories, songs. everything reminds me of you. i feel almost guilty for being so upset. i hadn’t seen you since early this year. it’s just that, knowing you existed was comforting. having the option to talk with you if i ever needed, it was a good feeling. now i feel that that option has been taken away & right now i need to talk to you. i need you to say it will be okay. it all happened so soon. so abruptly. it’s as if your heart was too much for your little body to hold. it’s almost as if you were too much for this world. i miss you. i don’t want to say goodbye & i feel like I won’t have to. you’ve left part of yourself in everything you’ve ever done, so we won’t ever really have to say goodbye.
i love you. forever & always.